omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
