My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
