Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
