Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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