Swine flu. Run for my life!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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