wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
