ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
