i may or may not be watching the land before time
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
