I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
