Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
