This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
