No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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