I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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