How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
