well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The uberlube is also flammable
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
