I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
