Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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