i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
