I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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