So drunk its hurt
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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