I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
