On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
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