did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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