dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
