I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
