Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
