so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
