I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I think i got beer on your cat.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
