Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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