Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
