whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
