Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
