im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
