God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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