Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
