I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
