All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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