Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
