we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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