I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
