At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
