Define "chronic" masturbator.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
