Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
