and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm always down for nudity.
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