We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
