Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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