just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
