I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
