i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
