You really coming over, don't trick.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
