return my video game
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
