I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
