Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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