I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
